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d27dt engine service manualPlease try again.Please try again.Please try again. Please try your request again later. But what if the church you're assigned to never does anything. Compton Baptist Church has about as much impact on their community as a bag of moldy tangerines—which means this fallen angel is bored out of his mind. In an attempt to alleviate the dull monotony of his life, Melchior pays a drunken visit to the pastor he's assigned to. Despite the unlikely source, the visit changes Pastor Doug Pinkerton's life. When his eyes are opened to the truths of following Christ with all that he is, Compton, New Jersey will never be the same again. Disciples are made, souls are won and lives are changed in this satirical novel about denying yourself, picking up your cross and following Jesus Christ. Please note: This story is intended for mature audiences. It is absolutely written to glorify God, but it deals with people at all stages of faith. Sometimes their language and behavior are sinful. The Narrator makes every attempt to censor naughty words, but characters in this book who are far from God act and speak in a manner consistent with the darkness in their lives. But don't worry. When the Light comes, the darkness will not be able to stand. Bonus! Purchasing this book gives you access to a closed Facebook group exclusively for readers of The Savvy Demon's Guide to Godly Living. Connect with other readers, discuss the spiritual themes in the book, encourage and challenge each other as brothers and sisters in Christ! Then you can start reading Kindle books on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required. Register a free business account It's the longest book I've everwritten, more than three and a half times the length of my first novel. I thinkit's the funniest book I've written, and there were parts that made me laugheven while editing them for the fifth time.

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It contains more potentiallyoffensive material than any other book I've released (and, I think, any book I'llever release in the future). I'm sure it will be divisive--in fact, I've alreadyencountered people who have loved it, and some who seemed to hate it. But despite its size and rather sprawling nature, this is actuallya very personal novel. This is me fighting against my worst impulses and myfailings as a follower of Jesus Christ. The story follows several differentredemption stories, and they very much mirror the redemptive journey that Godis doing in my life. If you decide to pick this book up, I pray that it wouldtouch your heart the way that God used it to touch mine even while I waswriting it. Finally, let me say that there are a lot of ideas in the book--some new and somemaybe a bit subversive. I don't agree with everything my characters say, do, orbelieve, and I certainly don't expect you to. But I do hope it makes you think,and maybe even challenges you on some level. Most of all, as with all my books,I hope and pray that the Lord would be glorified through the writing, throughthe reading, and through our lives. He is the author of the Christian fantasy series The Magi Chronicles and the best-selling Kindle short story The Book of the Harvest.To calculate the overall star rating and percentage breakdown by star, we don’t use a simple average. Instead, our system considers things like how recent a review is and if the reviewer bought the item on Amazon. It also analyzes reviews to verify trustworthiness. Please try again later. David G. Johnson 5.0 out of 5 stars First, let me set the scene. I am a SERIOUSLY stingy reviewer when it comes to giving 5-star reviews (don't believe me, check my other reviews). After I finished this book, I honestly wasn't even sure where I was going to come down, with the possibilities ranging from 3 to 5 stars. The one that stuck most solidly was the incident with Melchior's mostly-unremembered encounter at the beginning. Certainly Melchior's story had nothing to do with a redemption story. 3) The Douglas Adams wannabe narrator (if you don't know who Douglas Adams is, or have never heard of Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, there is still time to repent) at times was very well done, but at other times just became a bit of a nuisance. There were parts that flowed smoothly and I appreciate the clever humor, but other parts where it clearly was just trying too hard to wax satirical and was way overdone. So the question is, with all these flaws, what in the WORLD am I (of all people) doing giving this book 5 stars. It is simple. When you strip away all the bits of gratuitous content, the underdeveloped character personalities, and the at times heavy-handed satirical narration, this books is absolutely packed with vital truth and if it is read with an open heart and mind could be an amazingly powerful mirror through which the contemporary, American church could do some serious introspection. As a minister and missionary myself, I have to agree with Brad's assessment in his afterword. These situations in this book, while in some cases somewhat exaggerated, are very real. We see and weep over the complacency every time we return to the States for furlough. We see how transforming it is when we make real disciples in the field and teach them to do the same. We have seen the miracles of God working in many situations to make His name known among the people of East Asia, Africa and Mexico (i.e. the place where we serve now and the places we have formerly been involved with missions work). I have seen genuine-hearted pastors seek to truly transform churches that are complacent and content with the status quo.http://www.familyreunionapp.com/family/events/domain-air-conditioners-manual But IF more believers, whether in big churches, small churches, house churches, mission fields, workplaces, schools, and anywhere else we find ourselves would TRULY make the commitment, as the members of FOCDM did in this book, to live day in and day out as Jesus intended, what kind of impact might we make on the world. If even just the people who read this book will do that, and then live that life out in their communities, I think this book could be one of the most powerfully transformative works of fiction I have read. It truly took some wrestling to arrive where I did, but I think it is the right place.This book was enjoyable, numerous and full of truth. Enjoyed ever minute and highly recommend to others.It is Christian Satire at its best. If you liked CS Lewis' Screwtape Letters you will absolutely enjoy this book.It will be a book that you will want to go back and read it again. I have read his other books and he is a good author.I love the tone of the book - Christian satire at its best. Francis creates some caricatures that are so easily identifiable in most typical mainstream churches. His work isn't just comedy, however, it's meant to be thought-provoking and I dare say life changing - satire at its finest, without the biting sarcasm that only wounds without offering hope for improvement. Savvy Demon is also the most vulgar novel I've read, and readers - especially Christian readers - should go into it with their eyes wide open. Francis uses real-life dialogue, meaning his characters swear quite a bit before they're saved. The scenarios are edgy enough that I wouldn't even recommend this book to everyone I know. I found these depictions to be realistic and ultimately redemptive, but not everyone will want to wade through these scenes to get to the sanctification part of it. A scene towards the end was particularly intense, and I wish the author had closed the curtains a few paragraphs before he did. Ultimately, Savvy Demon has the power to challenge you to be uncomfortable in your faith. Francis' characters come to crises of faith that inspire them to be radical believers, no matter what others think. It's a book that will make many readers envy the reckless abandon these characters have. It will make them ask what their lives would look like if they were touched by the same revival that influenced the people in this book. It might even make them discontent enough with the spiritual status quo of their spiritual lives that they'll decide to make some changes.In a day when people are disenfranchised, this is what Followers of Christ, Disciple Makers should look like, and that is exactly what Jesus called us to do and to be. Jesus Christ is TRUTH. Have you ever read the Bible. There are some things in there that surprised me when I first read them. Demons are not going to behave holy or righteously because they aren't. Neither are non-Christians. An incredible truth for a time such as this. I cannot say enough about it. I was given a copy of this book for my honest review. I cannot be more honest. I love this book. I admire this man of God. Oh, sure, being a demon sounds like lots of fun: tempting, deceiving, distracting and all that. But what if the church you're assigned to never does anything. Compton Baptist Church has about as much impact on their community as a bag of moldy tangerines--which means this fallen angel is bored out of his mind. But don't worry. When the Light comes, the darkness will not be able to stand.Demons aren’t allowed to drink alcohol, of course. It’s distinctly against the rules. But it should come as no surprise that, as a whole, they’re really a notoriously disobedient bunch. It’s lack of effective discipline, sure, but that’s just the problem, isn’t it. Effective discipline. When you’ve got a group of underlings that already find themselves damned for all eternity, what precisely are you going to hold over their heads. Seriously, are you going to beat them. Whip them? Spank them? How’s that going to work against eternal torment. Gonna send them to bed without their supper. They’re spiritual beings. They don’t need to eat or sleep. How’re you going to discipline these guys. Seriously, if you have any ideas, I know a certain Prince of Darkness who would love to know. He’d probably offer quite a bit of money, fame and power for the info, too. Of course, just bear in mind that he’s also the Father of Lies when you’re negotiating the price, so.well, I’m just saying it might do well to have a notary public standing by to witness things. So, anyway, rules or not, this demon drank. His name was Melchior and the scene of the crime was this little dive in Jersey that the majority of readers will really want to avoid. The demon entered the bar in human form, of course, although the greasy, mostly-stoned bartender—a man who looked remarkably like Elvis if Elvis had a huge, tangled beard and greasy black hair down to his shoulders—probably wouldn’t have missed a beat either way. In fact there were a number of times (sixteen or seventeen) during the session Melchior spent on the barstool when he would, in a fit of angry political vitriol, accidentally let his wings appear. They were black and red, leathery like a bat’s, and nobody noticed. So Melchior got drunk. Plastered, really. Then he got laid behind a dumpster in the alley out back. He couldn’t really remember with whom or what, but, then, he couldn’t really remember getting laid at all. Plus, even amongst dumpsters and alleys, this coupling was particularly unromantic. He returned from the alley alone and announced loudly to the noisy bar that he was bored. Might as well pour another shot, barkeep—and one for yourself, too. Hairy Elvis was nothing if not obedient—particularly when someone wanted to buy him a shot—so he did as he was told. Both drained their glasses promptly. When Melchior set his down much harder than necessary, he noticed out of the corner of his eye that the barstool next to his was no longer vacant. Pour us two more, barkeep, the stranger said. As Greasy Elvis hurried to obey, Melchior turned to look at his new drinking buddy. It seemed like there was something familiar there, but when your vision’s this blurry, everyone sorta starts to look alike. Thanks, muttered Melchior. Cheers, said the stranger. He tipped the shot glass toward the demon, threw back his head and downed the contents. The demon snorted. Thanks for the drink, he said again, not fully cognizant that he was repeating himself. I dunno what your aim is, stranger. If you’re trying to get into my pants, I should mention that I just had sexual intercourse—at least, I think I did—and also that I think that I may be at the point of inebriation at which there may be issues with performance. Y’know. Full disclosure. I just don’t like to drink alone, that’s all, replied the stranger with a shrug. What good is loosening your tongue if you’ve got no one to gripe to. Melchior nodded so vigorously that he almost fell right off his barstool. I think you’ll find me delightfully empathetic. Here, listen to this: man, your ex-wife is such a whore. This revelation struck the demon into a brief, dumb silence. It seemed so utterly implausible that any particular drunk might not have an ex-wife—but Melchior had been around for a while (a long while) and had seen it all. He quickly recovered. Well, maybe your boss is the whore then. Or your sister-in-law. Or your eighth grade math teacher. Whatever, whatever—go ahead and vent and I’ll be here to back you up with appropriate name-calling, guaranteed. The stranger shrugged. Tell you the truth, he said, I don’t have a great deal to complain about. Except for my job, of course. They were back on familiar territory now and Melchior attacked it with vigor. Oh, tell me about it. Jobs suck, don’t they. Utterly pointless and what’d’ya get—. The stranger did not wait, but pressed on. It’s just so exhausting. Day in, day out—working my fingers to the bone. There’s never a moment’s rest. There’s always more to do. Then, much to the horror of everyone still semi-conscious in the bar (an illustrious group that did not currently include Barkeep Elvis), Melchior broke into song. And not a drinking song, either. Not even something by Lynyrd Skynyrd or Guns and Roses or something. He sank back onto his stool (as he had gotten, unsteadily, to his feet before) and fixed the stranger with a somber (not to be confused with sober) look. Ya get me, man? It took the stranger several moments to find his tongue. Plus, it’s good for a guy—y’know—to feel a sense of accomplishment or whatever. It’s sitting around doing nothing, just watching weeds grow.hating the boredom, hating the endless time, but dreading when it’s over.man, that’s when it really sucks. Does it at least pay well. Melchior actually laughed at this. This was never a pleasant sound by any standard, but, filtered as it was through way too much alcohol, it sounded more pathetic than anything else. I’m so sick of this, the demon moaned. I mean, this should be the best time of my life, right. It’s all downhill from here. I should be raising havoc and whispering half-truths but instead it’s got to be hands-off all the time. Don’t interfere. I sit back, I watch, I go out of my f—ing mind. Let us pause just briefly to address the fact that Melchior, as a demon, is not always disposed toward the most noble and polite of language. Since the readership may well be of mixed company, and since good Christians are so sensible as to be quite offended by profanity, we will make every effort to shield you from these unfortunate worldly sensibilities. That’s all you do? the stranger asked. Just sit and watch? Are you a security guard or something. Melchior opened his mouth to respond, then closed it again, then opened it a second time and said, Or something. I’ll use a metaphor. Let’s say that it is my job to shoot the enemy in the foot— The enemy. Competition. The competition. It’s a metaphor, remember. They’re already bleeding profusely from their sneakers and the gun is still there, still in their hand, still smoking. You get what I’m saying. The stranger paused to consider this, determined that he did not at all get what the demon was saying, so decided to guess. What do I do? Do I shoot him in the eye. Why? Would that be a good way to fill my time. Don’t worry about it, muttered the stranger. I know what you need to do. You need to march right on up to your boss and let him have it. Tell him you’re fed up and you’re not going to take it anymore. If he tries to fire you, flip him the bird and tell him he can’t fire you because you quit. Then storm out of there and don’t look back. Oh gosh, I’d love to be fired, said Melchior, or quit—but it’s not really an option. You can’t be fired? How does that work? Melchior paused, considered and then shrugged. We’ve got a hell of a union. Well, even better then. You get to say your piece and keep your job. What have you got to lose. Hey, barkeep, what do you say. Nothin’ to lose, right. Stoned, greasy, hairy Elvis had suddenly been roused from his stupor and spent several moments squinting—at Melchior, at the stranger, at the room and at the bar, all through a confused haze, as if seeing them for the first time. He then decided, apparently, that all this squinting was exhausting, so collapsed on the floor behind the bar for some much needed beauty sleep. He agrees with me, declared the stranger. The guy gets told off like this a minimum of two, three times a week. The reader will probably concur that eighty plus years in almost any job would be enough to leave one with a fairly persistent headache. Excepting, perhaps, working as one of the actors on Sesame Street. Like a fine wine (the type that a certain dive in New Jersey has never and will never serve), that must only get sweeter with age. Both Melchior and the stranger fell into silent contemplation as to what dramatic gesture the former could make to adequately protest his current state of displeasure at work, which was decidedly unlike hanging out with Muppets. The demon decided that another drink would help facilitate his creative thought processes (which was highly unlikely) so loudly asked the barkeep for more booze. Unfortunately, at least from a mental standpoint, Elvis had left the building, so Melchior ended up reaching across the counter and grabbing the first bottle he was able to reach. Whatever it was, it was green. He poured generous servings for both himself and his new comrade. I’ve got it! the stranger exclaimed, just as Melchior decided the shot glass was completely unnecessary and took a sizeable swig from the bottle. Of course you do, the fallen angel agreed. This is brain juice. I would like to explain my solution, the stranger continued, by using a hypothetical metaphor. Let’s say that you work at McDonald’s—some very bizarre little golden arches somewhere that you can’t be fired from and you’ve worked there for eighty years and the boss gets told off a lot and there’s a generous amount of bullets piercing the lower extremities. I’m with you so far. If you really want to stick it to the man— He’s a clown and his name is Ronald. Yeah, that’s the one, said the stranger. If you really want to get Ronald’s goat, you don’t go whining to the Hamburglar or that giant purple blob thing—no, Sir. What you need to do is make like a chicken and cross the road—metaphorically speaking. You cross the road and you go to Burger King —you go to the competition. Well, you go to them and you tell them exactly what’s in that special sauce. I don’t need to eat for sustenance or anything, but I’m pretty sure it’s Thousand Island dressing. Actually, I think everyone knows that. It’s a metaphor. And a d— fine one at that. Melchior hoisted the bottle of green stuff in the air as a tribute to his friend and his complex literary devices, and then took a few more chugs. So, the stranger pressed, are you gonna do it. You need to go to the enemy and tell them all about the foot-shooting and about your job and about how it’s not going well and how they can improve and—well, wouldn’t that just get your manager’s goat. As the particulars began to percolate, he began to see that the stranger was on to something. He stood from his barstool and tried to show his appreciation by initiating a dramatic slow clap. His coordination was pretty off and he soon fell back onto the stool, but it’s really the thought that counts. I go and share intel with the enemy, he said. You, Sir, are a genius. The stranger shrugged modestly. This could really piss off my boss and give me something to do on the job. I was rounding up. Inspired and eager to start progressing immediately, Melchior stood once more from his barstool. He took a step toward the stranger, grabbed him by the shoulders, and planted two sloppy kisses, one on each cheek. A genius, he said again. A f—ing genius is what you are, friend. I am so sorry about what I called your ex-wife. Without waiting for a response, and without even attempting to rouse Hairy Elvis to pay the bill, Melchior zigged and zagged his way directly into a table where a man in a cowboy hat was making out with a woman who might have been a particularly inexpensive prostitute. He apologized profusely to one of the empty chairs, took another drink of the green stuff, which he had not returned to its place behind the bar, and made once more for the door. This time, he was successful. Stepping outside into the chilly air seemed to have a sobering effect, but really its only work was in making the demon cold and drunk, instead of warm and drunk. He looked around for witnesses and, not seeing any, deliberately let his black and red wings unfurl. He flapped twice and began to rise into the air. He knew precisely where he was going: to have a little chat with the Rev. Doug Pinkerton. It was 2:18 am. Chapter Two In Which the Pastor Makes a Desperate Trip to the Liquor Store On the flight to Rev. Pinkerton’s house, Melchior managed to collide with two streetlights, three trees, the side of a building, and to crash right through a billboard for a law firm that encouraged passersby to call them first for all their legal needs. If a police officer had observed any of this, there is little doubt that the demon would have been charged with flying while intoxicated and levied a hefty fine. Despite these minor delays, less than fifteen minutes after he had left the bar, Melchior touched down far too quickly on the street right in front of the Pinkertons’ suburban home. His legs crumpled beneath him and he slammed into the asphalt. Swearing loudly, he managed to recover his feet and started staggering toward Rev. Pinkerton’s front door. He was looking much more demonic than human now, but did nothing to hide it. This unauthorized mission was not going to be completed incognito. He was going to tell Doug Pinkerton precisely who he was and the bat wings, the black horns protruding from his head, the yellow eyes and rich purple skin were going to help make his case. Yes, purple skin. When someone describes a demon or even the devil himself with red skin, you can be quite confident that they have no clue what they are talking about. When Melchior walked up to the front door and pressed the doorbell, Rev. and Mrs. Pinkerton were doing precisely what good Christians should be doing at 2:34 am: they were sleeping. After a couple of persistent dings and dongs, however, Rev. Pinkerton forced himself out of bed, marched straight downstairs and opened the front door. Pastors are always on call, of course, and this was no doubt some parishioner in great need. Except, as the reader will be well aware, the visitor was actually a purple, horned beast with scaly bat wings and yellow eyes. This was not what Rev. Pinkerton was expecting. Melchior, for his part, did not wait to be greeted by the speechless parson, but brushed directly past him and into the house, saying, We need to have a little chat, preacher. Doug Pinkerton was an overweight, balding and completely rational man in his mid-fifties. I don’t know whether you are familiar with many overweight, balding and completely rational men in their mid-fifties who have encountered demons in their natural state, but I can assure you that Rev. Pinkerton’s reaction was almost entirely textbook for this particular demographic. Like I said, it was pretty much textbook. The scream, in addition to curdling the blood of all within earshot, woke Melchior just as he was beginning to drift off. He lost his balance on the couch and promptly fell onto the floor. He recovered and looked up to see Joan, who was significantly more overweight than her husband, pointing a shaking finger at him and, based on her facial expression, very much threatening to scream again. Both pastor and demon sincerely hoped that she wouldn’t. Please don’t do that again, Melchior begged. Things are still a little foggy but I’m fairly sure that I’m about to have a splitting headache. Anyway, it’s just a Halloween costume, right.Tell my wife that you’re just wearing a Halloween costume. Joan looked at her husband with a great deal of skepticism, but whatever she saw on his face seemed to spark some hope in her as well. Maybe it really was just a great costume. It’s not a Halloween costume, said Melchior. It’s not even October. Anyway, I went as Ronald Reagan. Doug nodded gravely: a nod that indicated that he knew his hopes were too good to be true. He turned to his wife and dutifully reported, It’s not a Halloween costume. He went as Ronald Reagan. Joan turned not to the demon, but back to her husband to ask, Then what in the world is it. Is it supposed to be the devil. It’s purple. The pastor turned from his wife to the creature that was once again sitting on his sofa and repeated his wife’s query. I’m not the devil himself, although he’s just as purple as I am. I’m just one of his angels. My name is Melchior. Melchior hesitated, considered the statement, and nodded. Yep. I am. Doug glanced over at Joan to see if she was going to scream again, but she appeared to be past that particular danger at the moment. Actually, if anything, his wife seemed intrigued by their unexpected guest. Instead of stepping back, she actually took another step into the living room. Have you come to torment us? she asked. We belong to Jesus Christ—you understand that. Melchior winced. Please don’t use that name. You don’t say that name, and I’ll try not to use bad words. One rather ironic item is that the one bit of foul language that you’ll never hear uttered by a fallen angel—no, not even by Satan himself—is probably the most common to hear on any given Sunday in churches across the United States. It’s the one that the Lord actually mentions specifically in Scripture; the one that He took the time to carve into stone. Really, listen to how many f-bombs you hear the next time you go to a worship service and compare that to how many use the name of God as an expletive, or as casual filler. It’s the complete opposite if you spend much time in demonic circles; of course, they have experienced God Almighty and know better than to treat Him with anything other than reverence and respect. See? Ironic, isn’t it? Doug and Joan briefly discussed Melchior’s proposition and decided to accept. They had both moved fully into the living room by this point, and had taken positions in chairs opposite the couch, the better to interact with and converse with the newly speech-sanitized demon. Now that we’ve laid the ground rules, Melchior said, I did come here for a reason. As the demon personally assigned to the two of you, and to Compton Baptist Church, I simply must object to the lack of— Hold on, hold on, said Joan, holding up a hand. Could you repeat that. Melchior rolled his eyes. Now, I realize that this might seem a bit poorly staffed. Well, that’s part of the point. Back in the day, you’d have at least one demon—at least —attached to each of you and a whole team attached to the church itself, with individual assignments also handed out based on the most fruitful members of the congregation. Of course, there’s no need for that sort of coverage over here for the most part. I guess that’s still the standard model for a lot of the churches in China, North Korea, Iran and over in those parts. It soon became clear, however, that Melchior was not waiting for a response, but rather rethinking his entire strategy. I don’t suppose you have anything to drink? he asked. Doug looked to Joan who, even at nearly three in the morning and dressed in a nightgown and robe, was the hostess of the house. The corners of her mouth turned up in a phony smile appropriate to the role (incidentally, it was the same smile with which she greeted most of the congregation each Sunday). We have filtered water, of course, she said, grinning the way they do in the finer mental health institutions. There’s juice, milk, soda and diet soda. I could put the kettle on if you’d like tea, and I could always brew some coffee. It’s imported from Colombia. Melchior’s fingers were rubbing his temples where that predicted headache was beginning to form. He sighed, and muttered something about wishing he were assigned to Methodists. That’s not exactly what I meant, he said.